I’m looking for something to hold on to today,
because when the sun sets, and the noises of the day are gone, that is when
the fear comes on, that is when the grief and sorrow creep up.
That is when my mind begins to race from all the events from the day and the what ifs of tomorrow.
That is when my heart wants to explode from pain, from the love, from the guilt, from the gratitude, from the loneliness that lies within it.
This is when I want to run away.
This is when I want to hide in my closet and lock it closed.
This is the time when my strength, my courage fail me.
This is when I am broken in the darkness.
At night, this is when I long for those last few moments before I fall asleep, when I turn to my Savior, I pray.
I plead, beg even for peace, for guidance, for understanding and that is when he allows me to let go of it all, to drift off to sleep and he gives me the strength to go on, one more day.
These are my confessions
Originally written December 2014