If you are like me and have a “Type A” personality, then you probably know what it’s like to deal with anxiety and fear over the circumstances revolving our lives.
The devil uses our flaws such as this one, to break us down even farther. The more we are filled with anxiety, the less we are filled with God’s word and spirit. Continue reading
Do you feel like someone has done you wrong? Are you holding on to anger, hurt, or bitterness?
Afterall, who is the one suffering from holding on the pain? Not ones responsible for it, but ourselves, as we live daily with bitterness in our hearts. It eats us up from the inside out and affects every aspect of our lives.
You can read about my journey with forgiveness in this post. Although my story isn’t about forgiving others but myself, instead. This was a huge hurdle in my ability to overcome my grief. I hope you can find something that helps you too.
Read and remember these 30 verses to help remind you how easily pride can affect every aspect of your life.
But first, jump over to this post about how I grew a false sense of pride and how it affected my ability to cope and accept God’s plans for my life. Continue reading
(There may be affiliates in this post but I only share the things I love!)
As a believer in Christ, I wholeheartedly believe that that my faith in God’s word has been the biggest proponent for my recovery from depression and healing from my grief. (I don’t believe grief ever goes away entirely, but we are capable of growing through it.) His promise to his children is firm, and unwavering, but how effective is his word if we do not understand it, nor know how to apply it to our daily lives.
One of my favorite things to do that I rarely ever did before suffering with a mental illness, is pamper myself. When you find the right activity for your own self development based on your personality, these self care activities can benefit you in many ways. The goal is to take the time to to de-stress and unhinge your mind from thoughts that bring feelings of anxiety or depression. If you can do that, while also deepening your self awareness then it’s a huge bonus. Continue reading
Life is what you make of it. Some days, it just takes more strength to smile, more patience, more determination, faith, gratitude, more grace to let my light shine through all of the pain. Those are the good days. And then, there are those days, stretched so thin, I can’t escape it.
Everywhere I turn, a family grows, a baby walks, a blessing is snuffed out. What sadness and great loss that can be forever etched in someone’s soul at the hands of someone else. How one traumatic moment can steal
Edit 10/17/2017:
In 2014 I opened this blog to help me through the challenges I faced mentally, as I coped with the changes recently after our youngest son was born. We had no idea until he was born, that he would be so sick. A piece of me died that day and many, many more pieces in the days and months that followed. You can read about his diagnosis here.
Lost, alone, and broken, I feel deeper and deeper into a “pit of Hell.” The darkness took over the light that once was so bright inside of me.
Gone were the dreams I’d once held; the vision of the life I’d worked so hard to build was destroyed. What was I to do now?
Today, equipped with so many more lessons and more knowledge and more wine… I hated to delete what started it all. I didn’t continue the blog past a few posts, but it was the start for me personally that had shaped who I am today.
The dreams and passions stored within hearts are powerful keys which can unlock a wealth of potential. – John C. Maxwell
If you are struggling with grief or depression, know that you are not alone. There is joy left in this world for you and you are capable of finding it again.
As I lay here in bed, my mind is spinning from all the events of another long day on the road. Another day spent shuffling between appointments.
Seeking help for one kid with ADHD and the other wearing a heart monitor for 30 days. It seemed I was just starting to get comfortable again. I’ve should have seen it coming, I guess.
My heart hurts for a friend that has reached out me. She says that she is struggling; barely managing. She is sinking in the bottomless pit of responsibility of caring for a medically fragile child. The pressures and stress that come when you are the one holding everyone else together, tend to imprison we Special Needs mommas with the perception that there is not time to care for ourselves because everyone else needs us…. right now. It’s that exact imprisonment, that almost stole my light for good, nearly 2 years ago. I know all too well how badly she is hurting. I want to wrap my arms around her.
I pray for her.
My thoughts move to my close friends, that are laying their heads down tonight with huge gaping holes in their hearts. The holidays are approaching. The first, since they lost her, and more than likely, the most difficult one they’ll ever face.
I pray for them.
I can hear my husband banging around in the kitchen. I’m so thankful for him. He has stood by me as I fell from everything we value. He is still here as I continue to my journey to stay in the light.
I pray for him.
I am so tired. Why am I so emotional?
Oh God! GOD!??? Nope. Nope Nope!
That’s not funny, God. Just NO!
The images flash through my mind. The exit ramp and the rough turn and the bridge. “My” parking spot. It’s taken. I don’t need it any more any way. They can have it. The doors slide open and the rush of warm air causes me to squint my eyes. The shiny floors and the huge round logo seated into the concrete. That is where we stood to take our “Coming Home” picture. The sounds of the waterfall below the stairs that lead to ambulatory surgery. The smell of the coffee shop that we’ve never been to around the corner. The gift shop, the visitor badges, the red wagons. The influx of people, the scrubs. I see one of Kolt’s surgeons going up on one of the elevators while talking on his phone, dressed in full surgery attire. We waited today for several hours. As we left, there was a chopper coming in. Someone was sick. A child. Someone’s baby. Just like my baby.
It isn’t the first time I have been back. In fact, I’ve been back too many times to remember. I have always felt a connection to this place. So much of me died here. But here, I learned a lot about living too.
I am beginning to realize that being there today, has started to evoke emotions in me that I’ve been holding back. I truly love that place. But dammit, I really hate it! It hurts. This place and all the memories, the anger and pain, and darkness. The loneliness and frustration and fear!
The tears begin to flow. The pressure around my chest builds, the memories are like fire in my throat. My stomach clenches and I’m positive my heart physically hurts. I curl into the blankets, my face is wet and my eyes are swollen. The silent screams in my head are taking my breath and now I’m struggling to find even the smallest break for air in between the echoes of sobs, while I’m clenching my teeth as though to keep my family unknowing of my moment in despair.
I don’t want to go back! I can’t go there now.
Lord, I can’t do this.
Tonight, I am too tired.
Please Lord, help me lift this pain.
Hold me tight in your embrace.
Shine your light upon me.
Cast these thoughts from my mind.
Dear Lord…
Tonight,
let me sleep.
These are my confessions.
While my faith seems to settle me more for the long term,
I’m looking for something to hold on to today,
because when the sun sets, and the noises of the day are gone, that is when
One Well Momma 