If you are like me and have a “Type A” personality, then you probably know what it’s like to deal with anxiety and fear over the circumstances revolving our lives.
The devil uses our flaws such as this one, to break us down even farther. The more we are filled with anxiety, the less we are filled with God’s word and spirit. Continue reading
Do you feel like someone has done you wrong? Are you holding on to anger, hurt, or bitterness?
Afterall, who is the one suffering from holding on the pain? Not ones responsible for it, but ourselves, as we live daily with bitterness in our hearts. It eats us up from the inside out and affects every aspect of our lives.
You can read about my journey with forgiveness in this post. Although my story isn’t about forgiving others but myself, instead. This was a huge hurdle in my ability to overcome my grief. I hope you can find something that helps you too.
Read and remember these 30 verses to help remind you how easily pride can affect every aspect of your life.
But first, jump over to this post about how I grew a false sense of pride and how it affected my ability to cope and accept God’s plans for my life. Continue reading
(There may be affiliates in this post but I only share the things I love!)
As a believer in Christ, I wholeheartedly believe that that my faith in God’s word has been the biggest proponent for my recovery from depression and healing from my grief. (I don’t believe grief ever goes away entirely, but we are capable of growing through it.) His promise to his children is firm, and unwavering, but how effective is his word if we do not understand it, nor know how to apply it to our daily lives.
We as moms and caregivers have this unrealistic notion that we do not have the time to care for ourselves. We spend weeks and months, maybe years on end without doing any kind of regular self care activities.
We hear all the time “You can’t take care of anyone else if you are worn out or sick.” My
first thought to that is “Why not?” I’ve been doing it for this long already.”
But the fact is, that likely, until our health becomes a problem or we have a major tragedy, most of us mom’s just don’t get it; the real importance of self care.
After my son was born with multiple, life-threatening abnormalities, I knew I needed to seek therapy. I struggled so long to find a new perspective on my own and I was getting nowhere. I was drowning in my grief and depression and unable to cope with the loss of the child and the life I had always dreamed of having. – Casey Adams
One of my favorite things to do that I rarely ever did before suffering with a mental illness, is pamper myself. When you find the right activity for your own self development based on your personality, these self care activities can benefit you in many ways. The goal is to take the time to to de-stress and unhinge your mind from thoughts that bring feelings of anxiety or depression. If you can do that, while also deepening your self awareness then it’s a huge bonus. Continue reading
Recovery from mental illness is a lifelong journey. I could ask if we ever really “recover.” Maintaining a good mental health can require a lot of focus and diligence toward staying mindful about our circumstances. But making time for self care can be as easy as keeping a few things on hand.
Each one of us whom have suffered with mental illness, have our own kryptonites. For some it may be family, or holidays, relationships or unhealthy coping methods. One of the things I did early on in my recovery was make a list of things that interfere with my mental health in a negative way. I tend to use certain unhealthy coping methods that tend to send me down hill quickly. Having them written down helped me acknowledge my bad habits and be more mindful about the choices I make.
When I am nervous or worried, I tend to fill my time with projects that consume me so not to have to deal with the real issues. I become so consumed that it often interferes with my responsibilities as a mother and wife and end up affecting my relationships in a negative way. Continue reading
“For every tear I have shed in pain, in fear, in grief; every tear in frustration, and guilt, I will shed 1000 times more in JOY….”
I can feel his heart beating against mine. I feel the rise and the fall of his chest as his breaths mirror my own. I can see his tiny feet poking out from beneath his blanket. His body is completely relaxed and at nearly four years old, his 28 pounds feels heavy against me. Continue reading
Edit 10/17/2017:
In 2014 I opened this blog to help me through the challenges I faced mentally, as I coped with the changes recently after our youngest son was born. We had no idea until he was born, that he would be so sick. A piece of me died that day and many, many more pieces in the days and months that followed. You can read about his diagnosis here.
Lost, alone, and broken, I feel deeper and deeper into a “pit of Hell.” The darkness took over the light that once was so bright inside of me.
Gone were the dreams I’d once held; the vision of the life I’d worked so hard to build was destroyed. What was I to do now?
Today, equipped with so many more lessons and more knowledge and more wine… I hated to delete what started it all. I didn’t continue the blog past a few posts, but it was the start for me personally that had shaped who I am today.
The dreams and passions stored within hearts are powerful keys which can unlock a wealth of potential. – John C. Maxwell
If you are struggling with grief or depression, know that you are not alone. There is joy left in this world for you and you are capable of finding it again.
As someone with a back up plan for every backup plan I already had, I could have never planned or prepared myself for where I have found myself today.
I am surrounded by blessings, seen and unseen, and showered daily with God’s mercy, but yet,
I’m devastated. I am devastated that the plans and dreams aren’t going like I’ve worked so hard for them to go.
I’m angry and drowning in my own guilt. Angry because the selfish human in me refuses to accept that this is my new reality and I am guilt ridden because I am a fixer, but I cannot fix this.
Guilty for so many reasons, for the pain and burden of my own circumstances, and how they are flooding over and into the lives of all of those I love. My problems, my consequences are changing their lives forever as well.
Guilty for bringing this sweet child (intentionally or not, this happened because of something that I was exposed to) into this world who will have to work so hard just to be.
He will have to fight for his life just to achieve and maintain everything that everyone else takes for granted. Yes, everything and everyone.
Guilty at how this will affect his older brother. What will have to give sacrifice? He didn’t ask for this.
I’m suffocating. Suffocating by the overwhelming feeling/need to manage all the responsibilities perfectly and still maintain my sanity.
I’m consumed. I am consumed with grief. Grief over a life lost, over expectations lost, dreams lost.
Daily, sometimes hourly I am reminded of all the expectations lost.(FUTURE POST) There is just as much out there, in the world, as there is right here in my own home, that constantly reminds me how different my life is from where I always thought it would be. EVERY time that realization occurs, it’s like having air sucked right out of my lungs.
Grief eats away at every little bit of hope for today and faith about tomorrow I manage to gain.
Cheated, misled, lost, alone, scared, imprisoned, I could go on and on with words that describe how I feel. Not all are so piercing to the heart to think about. I can look back and see where God was leading me here. I can see time when he was trying to get me to understand and he was preparing me for this journey. He’s been here the whole time, but sometimes, I’m not so eager to listen.
I hope I can find purpose in writing about the ugly truths that can arise from the burdens of my grief. Again, not all my truths are ugly, but those are not the ones I’m afraid to talk about either. I eager to testify about all the moments of mercy and grace that God has shown to me.(FUTURE POST)
Having a child with special needs that make him or her medically fragile, is something I’m sure no one would ever ask for. No one asked me for damn sure. (FUTURE POST) I have to have faith that God is preparing me for a greater purpose…preparing me for something in which I could never have prepared myself?(FUTURE POST)
As I continue to search for direction and to share my journey, I hope to be able to express my most raw of feelings.
Sometimes, out of the human mind, so confounded with grief, realizations can be harsh and scary to imagine for even for that of a grieving mind, but yet, still be painfully true. These are my confessions. These are my truths. – Casey Adams
One Well Momma 