We as moms and caregivers have this unrealistic notion that we do not have the time to care for ourselves. We spend weeks and months, maybe years on end without doing any kind of regular self care activities.
We hear all the time “You can’t take care of anyone else if you are worn out or sick.” My
first thought to that is “Why not?” I’ve been doing it for this long already.”
But the fact is, that likely, until our health becomes a problem or we have a major tragedy, most of us mom’s just don’t get it; the real importance of self care.
After my son was born with multiple, life-threatening abnormalities, I knew I needed to seek therapy. I struggled so long to find a new perspective on my own and I was getting nowhere. I was drowning in my grief and depression and unable to cope with the loss of the child and the life I had always dreamed of having. – Casey Adams
Here are 5 lies I told myself about getting help with my grief and depression:
- I don’t have time –
- During the early days, I was already traveling anywhere from 12 to 15 hours a day, 2 and 3 times a week for my son’s appointments. Not to mention, I had a 2 year old as well. I remember thinking there was just no way to make time for another appointment over 75 miles away.
- I don’t have a sitter –
- (See #1)
- I don’t want to talk about to a stranger, that’s just weird –
- It can be awkward to think about spilling your heart out to someone you just met. Sometimes the thought of being misinterpreted or even being told the truth scares us. If you have a good therapist though, the necessary relationship will fall into place and for me, it quickly became like visiting with an old friend.
- I don’t know what to talk about or where to start –
- (See#3) Your therapist will guide you and it’s not unrealistic to have a conversation about expectations from both the therapist and the patient. He or she can guide you on certain areas that you want or need addressed. There have been many times I have felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about, and some of those days ended up giving me my biggest breakthroughs.
- I don’t want people to think…….
- Good gracious! We have to get off our high horses! Do you want to be happy again? Do you want to be capable of caring for your family and having meaningful relationships? Then YOU have to do what’s best for you. While this was always in the back of my mind, it never bothered me too much. I understand how little relevance someone else’s judgment has on my life. However, coming from a background that was buried deep within certain religious beliefs, I knew I’d catch some flack, which I did. But remember this, it’s easy for someone to tell you what is better for you when they’ve never walked in your shoes.
I sought help. I learned methods of coping. I was able to get different perspective on my circumstances that allowed me to move through the healing process. Therapy worked and still is working for me.
Recovery isn’t about a finish line though, it’s about making decisions everyday that will keep our minds on the right track to staying healthy.
Sometimes we win, other times we don’t, but if we are always mindful of what works and what doesn’t, we can continue on our journey in a forward manner.
I’m not always perfect at taking the time I need, but I don’t give up trying because I am worth it! You can do what works for you, just make it happen. I know it sounds cliche, but I’ve been on both sides and I’m say it out loud, “MAKE IT HAPPEN!” Knowing that I have to have my “me” time, I keep a few things handy. I don’t always do the same thing, but at least a couple times a week, I try to do at least one thing even if I only get 30 minutes to do it.
View my list of self care tools to that I use to make the most out of my “me” time, or when I’m needing an extra “me” time to fight off anxiety, depression or grief.
Looking back I can easily remember how disheartened I was to think of how I was going to manage, but today I can easily say it was one of the best things I could have done for myself at the time.
I had no way of knowing that 2 years later I would become suicidal and the depression and anxiety would lead my “breakdown”. If I hadn’t already been in a therapy program, I’m not sure I could have received treatment quickly enough.
If you are suffering or think you might be suffering with depression or any kind of mental illness, see a professional soon. Don’t wait or let your fears of the unknown deter you away from getting on the right track to being happy again. There is hope out there for you and there is help out there to guide you in finding it again. You can do this.
View Resources & Tools over at The Well for more help on managing your mental health
- Tools to help manage your daily life
- Inspirational Quotes and Scriptures
- Anxiety Screening Quiz
- Mental Health Resources and Info
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Share your Experiences
Let others know they aren’t alone! You can leave your answers in the comments. Thank You for participating!
- Have you ever seen a professional for a mental illness?
- What was your biggest reservation?
- Did you get past your uncertainties?